And Now He's Gone
by Snowthistle
Summary: Nepeta does not explore the vents as she waits for Equius to return, and Karkat brings her some bad news.


She was told to wait in this back room for safety, and she obeyed him this time for her own safety. Waiting was quite boring, however, and she hoped her moirail would be back soon. She wouldn't admit it to him, but underneath her cheerful exterior she was worried for his safety. Maybe she should have accompanied him despite his orders just so he wouldn't face the juggalo alone. For now she would have to be patient and busy herself with something else. Her gray eyes drifted to the newly painted ships on the walls of the room she was in. This was not her respective room on the meteor but her secret shipping room. Only Equius knew about it, but she never allowed him to look inside at her ships. If that one picture were not there, then she would gladly allow him inside to take a look. The young troll stood up and walked past a large pile of sugar she'd gathered from the Land of Little Cubes and Tea, and she began to carefully remove crates that were stacked on top of each other. A painting on the wall, which had been obscured by the crates, depicted her kissing Karkat with four red hearts and the letters O-T-P inscribed across the lower half. She blushed with embarrassment at the large image and thought about how it could be painted better, but she had done it in a rush to finish it quickly. Once this whole fiasco with Gamzee was over, she was going to work on talking to Karkat about how she felt. There was the lingering possibility that she would get rejected, but she would have at least tried.

It was strange how Equius had not returned from speaking to Gamzee. Nepeta wondered if he was still looking for the juggalo clown, or if he was just taking his time in trying to reason with him. She hoped that nothing bad had happened, and she resisted the overpowering urge to go explore the vents. Equius told her to stay put, and this time she was going to obey her moirails orders. For the first time since they entered the game she felt terrified. Come to think of it, the last time she felt this scared was when she saw her dead lusus' body as it was being prototyped. The meteors were enough to give her a little scare, but she knew Eridan, her server player, would get her into the game in time. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes in hopes of going to sleep for a little while until Equius returned. After a few seconds, she realized that there was no point in going to sleep or else be subjected to disturbing dreams; Derse was no more. If only she had an idea of what was going on outside of the room she was in and if Equius was coming back. She glanced over to the grate nearby, but she decided against going exploring. A sinking feeling lingered, and she hugged her knees to her chest. Equius would be alright because he was a STRONG troll, and he could easily take down Gamzee.

Right?

Some time passed, and she began to play around with the ball of yarn she had lying on the floor. Her fingers would make cat's cradles, moths, mice, and other yarn tricks, and she would occasionally toss the ball back and forth between each hand. Equius had been gone for far too long, and now she was really worried about his safety. She walked over to the door and pressed her ear against it for any hints of footsteps, but the only sound she could hear was the low humming from nearby machines. She contemplated opening the door, but she decided against it for her own safety. Nepeta was definitely obeying her moirail's orders this time, but he was taking so long to return. Her ears pricked at the sound of footsteps, and she took on a fighting stance just in case.

"Is anyone in here?" A familiar voice sounded on the other side of the door.

It wasn't her moirail, but it sounded like Karkat.

"Karkat, is that you?" She asked tentatively.

"Oh, Nepeta. Oh my- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I messed up. I- w-will you open the door for me? No, CG uh requests for AC to open the door."

That was strange. Karkat wasn't angry, and he was stuttering and attempted to roleplay with her. He didn't sound irritable, and it seemed like he was nervous about something. She opened the door to see the Cancer troll standing before her with an uncomfortable expression on his face.

"Karkat, what's the matter?"

"I...w-well I uh," he swallowed," I came to speak with you."

She stood aside and allowed him to come in before closing the door and locking it.

"Is everything okay? Where's Equius?"

He turned away from her and brought his gaze to some of her ships. For a moment his eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he looked at the ones presently in front of him.

"You think Dave and Tavros might be in a flushed relationship?"

She blushed," It's just speculation, Karkat! Not all of these ships are serious!"

Karkat wandered over to the farther wall with more ships lining it, and Nepeta quickly ran after him. He stared at the walls contemplatively, and Nepeta made sure to keep him from looking off to the side.

"You have a shipping wall even here on the meteor."

She shrugged," It's not like I have anything else to do here other than roleplaying, drinking tea, and playing with yarn."

"I suppose that's true."

"Karkat, where's Equius? He's been gone for awhile now, and I'm worried about him."

He froze in place and did not say a word. She looked at him nervously, and she had a feeling that something went wrong; she refused to believe it.

After a full minute had passed, Karkat swallowed and turned to her once more. It hurt her to see him looking so distraught, and she could tell he was having a hard time gathering up the courage to speak.

"I'm sorry, Nepeta. I'm so sorry, and it's all my fault. I shouldn't have sent him to Gamzee on his own, but I did it because I'm a coward. I'm such a despicable coward, and I wonder how you can even look at me right now."

"What are you talking about, Karkat? I'm sure Equius is alright! You're being silly right meow and I suppose you're just nervous. Equius, is purrfectly fine, Karkat, and there's no reason for mew to worry!" She spoke with a dithering voice and lapsed into unnecessary cat puns.

Karkat took a deep breath," Nepeta, Equius...is dead."

"He's not, Karkat, mew are being silly."

"Nepeta, please stop. He...He's not coming back."

"Karkat, h-he...he's dead?"

"I-I'm sorry, Nepeta, it's all my fault! I should have accompanied him to make sure things didn't get out of hand. He's dead because I was such a coward."

Nepeta slowly sank to the floor as she tried to fight back tears, but she decided against it and allowed her tears to fall. They flowed steadily down her cheeks, and Karkat stood there stared at her not knowing what to do. He sat on the floor near her, but he was uncertain about trying to comfort her. Although, he couldn't stop staring her as she cried, and he did want to comfort her. Nepeta hiccuped and slid off her gloves in order to wipe her eyes with her bare hands. Karkat slowly scooted over to her and pulled her into a tight hug. She stiffened in momentary surprise, but she relaxed and sniffled. He rubbed her back soothingly , and she shifted her position into his lap. Normally, he would protest and yell at her to get out of his lap, but he was in no place to do such a thing at the moment. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her and rocked her quietly.

"I'm sorry, Nepeta. I killed your moirail..."

"No, you didn't kill him."

"It was an indirect murder."

"None of us knew what would happen."

"I suppose so."

"How...did he die?"

"Asphyxiation. Gamzee strangled him with a broken bow, and Equius did not resist."

"...He didn't resist?"

"No, he didn't, and I'm sure he would have if I'd been there to keep him on task..."

She pulled his hand to her chest and held onto it," I don't blame you."

"Nepeta, I-"

"I love you."

He was silent for a moment before speaking again," You mean you pity me?"

"No, I mean I love you."

"You don't really mean that..."

She looked at him with a serious expression," I meant what I said, Karkat."

He looked at her with surprise," You're serious about this?"

She nodded," I-I know you're flushed for Terezi and all, but I just wanted to get it out while I could."

"I don't understand...I killed your moirail, I'm a mutantblood, I've been nothing but horrible to you, I knew you had feelings for me and said nothing, I- how?"

"I know you've done things you regret, but underneath your grumpy exterior I see a troll who really cares for his friends. You've been through so much, and I just wanted to be there for you. Maybe I have a weird choice in friends and potential matesprits, but that's just who I am."

A bang sounded on the locked door, and the two trolls jumped. Another bang rattled the door, and Karkat slowly rose from his spot. Nepeta sat on the floor, horrified. Karkat looked back at her and told her to stay put as he took out his sickle before walking around the corner. Nepeta's throat suddenly went very dry, and she wanted to move from her spot. Her body refused to listen, and she was rooted to the spot as the door handle carefully jiggled open. Her breath hitched in her throat as a moment of silence passed, and she jumped as the clatter of metal hit the floor. Squeezing her eyes shut, she crawled to see where the door was while keeping herself hidden in the shadows and opened her eyes. Karkat stood gently shooshing and papping Gamzee. The lanky juggalo clown let out a loud honk as he was calmed down by the shorter mutantblood. Nepeta kept a wary eye on him and her claws slid out in preparation to attack. Karkat spoke to him in a quiet, soothing voice in order to ensure that he was calm. He then turned around and motioned for Nepeta to step out of the shadows.

She still didn't trust the clown, but she reluctantly crawled out of her hiding place and walked over. Gamzee held out his arms for a hug, but Nepeta shied away and hid behind Karkat. Gamzee seemed slightly upset by her movement, but Karkat couldn't blame her for shying away after what happened to Equius. She had a predatory look in her eyes, and her pupils were narrowed slits, but she stood behind Karkat without uttering a single word or even a growl. Gamzee let out another honk and calmly walked out of the room. Karkat followed behind him while pulling Nepeta along behind him; she said nothing as they returned to the computer area. They met up with an undead, rainbow drinker Kanaya, and the jadeblood narrowed her eyes at the indigoblood. She kept a stern face, but she softened her gaze as Karkat explained what happened to Equius. Nepeta looked like she was about to cry again, so Kanaya took her hand and led her out to comfort her. Kanaya laid a soothing hand on Nepeta's back as she walked through the dark hallway. As they walked, Nepeta smelled something strange. She had an uneasy feeling and stopped in her tracks. Kanaya looked at her with concern, and Nepeta slowly continued walking.

It was inevitable she supposed as the sight of a blue-faced blueblood lay on the ground with a broken bow tied around his neck and an arrow through his knee. Her eyes were wide, and she said nothing. Kanaya had a hand to her mouth and her eyes were wide as well. Nepeta found herself shaking, but there was nothing to do about it. She knelt down beside her dead moirail's body and tears flowed once again. A few minutes passed, and she rose from her spot, allowing Kanaya to lead her away. On the way, they encountered a blind Sollux, and they both helped guide him back. Terezi sat in a computer chair talking to Karkat, and Nepeta sat in a chair on the far side of the room. She had no intention to interrupt their conversation and merely kept to herself. Karkat looked over and rose from his seat to check on her again.

"Hey, Nepeta."

She blinked," Aren't you busy with Terezi?"

He held her hand and gave a squeeze," No, I'm not..."

"Then what are you doing over here?"

"I wanted to hang with you. By the way were you crying again?"

"...I found his body."

"...I'm sorry."

She sighed and shook her head," No use in dwelling on it. We need to focus on the game."

"Nepeta, we haven't landed yet, so you have plenty of time to mourn him."

He pulled her close, and she rested her head against his chest. She'd lost her moirail, but maybe she would gain something else in time.


End file.
